Sometimes, we just need to stop. Stop and get close to our Heavenly Father like a newborn baby swaddled in a blanket next to its mother. The comfort of being held, of knowing that through a stressful time (that we often create on our own) that He will not forsake us! I have been so guilty of that lately. I have been trying to do something on my own knowing that it is not me alone who can make it work but my Heavenly Father is the one who can reveal to me His plan for my life.
Why do we do that? What makes us try to do it all on our own? I think for me, it is that I have always had to be the strong one in my family and when things seem like they are getting to heavy in life, then I try to be the fixer of it all. It is like I am giving it to God for a little bit and maybe I get impatient…I don’t know but it is like I take it back and try to do it myself. I try to do what I can to make it all okay for everyone but what I fail to recognize at the beginning of it all, is that I can’t. Well, actually I know that I can’t and maybe I should say that I do see that but as the caregiver for my family, I just dig my heels in sometimes and before you know it, I am in a tug of war with what I want and what my Heavenly Father wants. We just can’t be that way. It is like I say to myself at some point ‘Well, Christian…how is that working for ya? Huh??’ Before I know it, I am in tears and asking forgiveness for not trusting Him like I know I should. Don’t say you haven’t been there…we all have. I just don’t mind admitting it and some may not mind that either.
Today my momma was here and amongst all the times in my life when I needed to hear some words of encouragement, today was one of them. I was so glad to see the support she is giving me with the lifestyle changes I am having with this new career, but I am also glad to know that she loves me enough to tell me when I am needing to step back, regroup and take a deep breath because when I turn it over to Him in prayer, then it all works out. I love my momma and today was just a special day for us because of the conversation we had. It meant so much to me to hear her love and support. My momma knows that I finally have something good for my life and she see’s how happy I am. She also see’s me trying to do too much at one time and so today it was a lesson for me to learn to just stop. Stop and be still…and allow my Heavenly Father to work in my life.
I am very thankful that I joined the LDS church but I have to tell you that since my baptism and my confirmation I have not been able to attend services due to my work schedule. This has made me very sad but I deal with it. There is just something about being in worship each week, taking sacrament that is cleansing and fills the Spirit. I need that in my life and yeah, it has been a tough few weeks by not being able to go so tonight I am getting a blessing from the Elder Missionaries from my ward. I can’t explain to you what that means to me. It is like being under water for a while and coming up for a big, deep, breath of fresh air. It is a refreshing way to start over….and yes, you can start over. It’s never too late to do that. I just need to allow myself more of the opportunity to stay in scripture and not just read it but to really study it. Study it and apply it to my daily life all the time. I feel like I have been so caught up with this new career, trying to adjust and trying to force it to work that I have not devoted the time to my spiritual life-like I should and for that I am ashamed.
I want nothing more in this life for my kids to be happy, for those around me to be happy, for this beautiful relationship I am in to be filled with love, faith, hope, trust and built on the solid foundation of Jesus Christ. I love and care enough about all these things that I go to my Father in prayer asking for guidance. To know where I have been in the past and where I am now at this very moment, I am so grateful!! I have been experiencing a love like I have never known and that is a gift from God. A true gift that I cherish with every breath in me. There is no comparison as to what it means to me.
Whatever guidance you need in your life, I encourage you to get on your knees, talk to God and ask Him to reveal to you what His plan is for you. It can be hard sometimes to know we haven’t really been as faithful in our prayer time or reading the scripture like we should but I am glad I was able to share this with you today and I hope it has helped someone else. I only want to be a light unto others but I also want to be real. If you can’t be real with what you have going on then what would the pay off be in the end? For me, being real and giving myself a reality check is about knowing how much I truly do depend on my Heavenly Father to see me through this thing we call life.
Love, Hugs & Smiles 🙂