What Part Do You Play?

There is a saying, ‘Nothing is wrong, Nothing is right’ and I have said that a few times in my conversations. Surely you have either heard it or said it yourself? Today, I really got to pondering on that statement and what it really meant. I am still not so sure but I am certain by the time I am done listening to Coldplay while I write this blog, I will have it figured out.

I have been going on no sleep for the last 36 hours straight so I can’t promise you perfection in this particular blog but I will do my best to share with you my thoughts. I have had some things to do in my personal life that required my attention and I just have not been able to stop since yesterday morning. On my way back from Raleigh, the thoughts in my head begin to plague me so much, that I could not wait to get home and channel my thoughts to my blog. When I am preparing to write a new blog post, I usually go where my mood takes me. Tonight it is on the couch, in my comfies with the candles lit, Coldplay flowing through my head and a cup of yogurt for dinner. It is a cozy night…a night to just disconnect from the world for a little while. Nothing personal, just something that is needed for my own self preservation.

Nothing is wrong, nothing is right. That little statement says so much and I don’t think we even realize it. As I applied it to my own life today, I begin to question myself on why do I even say that. What am I really trying to tell myself about myself? We are our own worst critics anyway, right? I am still trying to put the pieces of the puzzle together as to what it truly means but there is the part of me who says ‘Who cares? Just do what works for you and move on’. Then it hit me. Nothing is wrong, nothing is right means that we are complacent and ready for a change  all at the same time. I know, it seems confusing but trust me..it really makes perfect sense if you just think about it. My God, why do we as humans have to be so complex sometimes? It is like life is nothing merely but a play…and we are all the actors and the world is our stage. We enter the stage on the left, and we exit on the right. In the meantime, during our life performances we make things more complicated and harder for ourselves than it has to be. Or do we just enjoy being complacent and longing for change at the same time? Sadly, I don’t know the answer to that. What I do know is that we have to drag our hearts up to the starting line and prepare for the next performance.

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“It’s too easy to get left behind and I don’t want to do that..I would rather lead.”

I think we all want change in our lives..even those who don’t admit it or who cling to what they have known…aka complacency. Change is scary and so is complacency.  They both can be confining like a noose if we are not careful. We all have that inner desire to do something we have never done before. Take a trip to Paris to be kissed under the Eiffel Tower, scream from the top of our lungs at the top of Machu Picchu, go on a month-long mission trip to help build water wells, get lost in the sunset on the island of Santorini, Greece or it could be simply to leave a life that has held you back from exploring yourself and what you truly desire as an individual. Who knows, you may want to explore a new talent. Eventually, that decision is up to you how you channel it.

You see, not everyone is made to be ‘held’ down in life. Look at me for a good example or maybe not…lol but either way, just humor me and hang in here with me. I am single, free-spirited, a big heart for all of humanity and my dedication is undeniable to the end no matter the nature of my friendships or relationship status. I am certainly not one to be held down or told I can’t do something (that never works out well because then I am more than determined to make it happen). What I mean is that this world we call our stage, in the play of life, it is made to be discovered! It’s too easy to get left behind and I don’t want to do that..I would rather lead. It is just my personality and I am a Gemini for goodness sake so this should come as no surprise from the master of social interactions…lol.  What a tragedy to spend your life not making new discoveries and saying that ‘nothing is wrong, nothing is right’ because truthfully, we are screaming underneath to break free and explore this world no matter how big or how small your adventures are. After all, it is purely about the adventure and the experience you walk away with and sometimes you want someone to share them with you.

Today as I sat at the RDU observation deck, having a picnic with my daughters and watching the planes take off, I felt the excitement for me to put my uniform back on, get back up there flying again and doing what I love. Then I thought, I don’t want to be the nothing is wrong, nothing is right person. I wasn’t screaming for something inside of me to break free but I just didn’t feel like I was getting something or I was missing the mark. It really bothered me all day today and I want to be the person who is centered in life and I mean really centered and by that, I mean finding balance between my dreams, my spontaneous nature, my desire to always go and do something yet be content with a simple night here at home by the fire pit. I am like a hurricane of excitement and ideas…lol. You can not contain that in me..it has to be free.  I am sure that is going to require a little more effort of balance than I feel like giving on most days but I am certain it’s worth it in the end. Going after what I want with enthusiasm, with grace, wisdom (okay..maybe not always knowing the wisdom until after the lesson has been taught but you get the point…its the fun of adventures) and with a level of ambition that is so strong, nothing can break it. To live life with what makes me the happiest, to choose a life of adventures, experiences and let my personality do more than just color my world.

They say I always inspire others with my blogs and I am thankful for the gift of my writing creativity. I love to share with others but this world gets lonely at times and yes, I am pretty much saying that my strong-willed, independent self would like someone to share my experiences with but it is also about having your own identity and your own space to do the things that make you the individual that you are as well…you know, being centered. It is healthy and it is natural. Until that time comes, I will continue to remind myself that patience is key and when they come around, they can wake me up somewhere between my dreams and the sun kissing my face because that is where I will be.

Peace, Love & Hugs

Christian ♥

 

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