We have all had them. Bad day’s that you just throw your hands up and decide that, ‘Eeehhhh. I’m over it.’.
Or are we? Do we say that to ourselves because we don’t want to cope with the present moment or do we try to claim that as some self-preservation to keep from going insane?
As an update to my previous blog post, I had written about how excited I was to start my little part-time job. I wasn’t scheduled to go in yesterday but with approval, I went in so that I could complete some online training modules they have you do and to gain a little extra hours.
I won’t go into any detail about what happened but it wasn’t anything to do with me personally, it was just seeing the environment behind the scenes, in motion. It wasn’t pretty at all. As a matter of fact, it was all I could do to not say anything but I was only there to go in that small room, close the door and complete the modules. That is all.
The more I sat there trying to do the online work, the deeper I felt a depressive state sink in. I was frustrated. I was thinking to myself, ‘Why the heck am I here doing this? Why can’t I just fly all the time? Why do I waste my God-given talent of being an exceptional hairstylist? Why am I in this vicious cycle of not knowing what the heck I want to do? Is it this town? Am I being stupid? Am I being unrealistic? Should I just move and bite the cost of living in the city again?’. I HATED MYSELF AT THAT MOMENT. I HATED THAT MOMENT. Then……
Then I had to really seek God in my frustration. That sign I keep asking Him to hit me with? I am still not getting it. Or maybe I am but I am just not listening so well. I don’t know. I honestly do not know anymore. I am so confused about life. Listen y’all – I do not make enough money being a flight attendant. Maybe when I have been doing it for 10 years but I am only 6 years in and while I have a block line (not sitting reserve), I am still not at a decent hourly pay that is consistent with the cost of living. I do have amazing health insurance.
Maybe I will write an in-depth blog about flight attendant pay.
Fast forward 3 hours later and I come home. I changed clothes, went to the grocery store and I bought ice cream and Hershey’s syrup. Upon my arrival back home, I got the VCR set up (yes I still have my vintage VCR) and I popped in one of the best movies ever made, Top Gun and I made myself a bowl of ice cream with sprinkles. I mean c’mon – who doesn’t love the scene where Maverick (Tom Cruise) is in the hangar discussing his inverted dive and then he stands up, puts his shades on and gives Charlie (Kelly McGillis) a smile to die for!! Watch the clip below if you need to smile today 🙂
Did you watch it? The entire movie is a great movie and the Volleyball scene was probably one of the most iconic scenes in any movie. In case Mav’s smile wasn’t enough for you, here is the clip for the boy’s playing volleyball – it goes great with ice cream, lol
Between the Top Gun movie, my comfies and my ice cream, I was feeling a little better. I began to shut out the background noise of life and just try not to think about anything for two hours. My head and my thoughts were exhausted.
I know it may seem as if I can’t make a decision to save my life. Maybe I can’t. Maybe my mind is so diverse with creativity and ideas that it’s probably the most crippling aspect of who I am. I have a lot of amazing ideas, a lot of great journey’s in my head but many times I find them hard to follow through because let’s face it – I am too broke to follow them through the way I want to.
As the evening come to a close, I decided that I really shouldn’t fall into this trap of confusion that I am in. I need to be more cautious in my decisions but that is soooo hard to do when your mind doesn’t stop. Seriously, it does not stop. It is maddening at times. It can also be freedom but we all know that with freedom, there is always a price.
Mine, on this particular day was Top Gun and ice cream.
What do you do when you need to take a break from life? Is it a feel good movie? Ice cream? A walk? Whatever it is, I pray that it fills your soul and helps you rejuvenate a spirit within, that can’t be broken.
Peace, Love & Hugs