Trying to keep a plant alive is a challenge for me. I am not a ‘green thumb’ person and my experiences have been a little unsuccessful – until two years ago. That is when I was really put to the task of trying to keep plants alive.
When my nephew passed away, I received a plant from someone offering their sympathies. It was a beautiful, thriving plant and it was full of life, fresh soil, perfectly moistened with the right amount of water and it was so green that it didn’t look real. It was absolutely a stunning plant. It become very special to me.
I babied that plant and took great caution with it. I even named it after my nephew and I even talked to it. I read an article that you are suppose to do that and although it felt strange to me, I gave it a try. I mean, I talk to myself so how bad could it be to talk to a plant?
As time moved along, there were times when I noticed parts of my special plant beginning to wilt away. I was concerned so I placed it in sunlight, I talked more to it and I did all I could to encourage my plant to grow stronger and not die on me.
Through the months, slowly, it just began to have a leaf fall off here and there. One day I noticed that all of a sudden it just looked so bare. There was barely anything growing or holding on. How could this be? It seemed like it just happened over night and just so quickly. I wept and prayed for that plant to not die on me. I took it out of the planter, I placed it in another planter and I watered it. I placed it in my kitchen window every morning and allowed it to get that first morning sunshine. I talked to it daily and I even put a little dancing solar duck by it. Don’t judge me okay? I was doing all I could to save Matthew, my plant.
As I have openly shared my battle with depression -the highs, the low’s, the not sure’s – and all the interesting situations that surround it, I have also been deeply in prayer and scripture. I am talking the kind of prayer where you get on your knees, you stay there as long as it takes and you talk to God. This kind of prayer has become such a part of my life that I find it hard to not do it every day, just like talking to my plant. I do it because I need a new life breathed into me. I need the word of God to direct me, to show me where I am going and to deliver me out of this dark pit that I have been in for a long time.
Just because I am a Christian, does not mean for one moment that I do not get lost in my walk with God. It does not mean that I am immune to problems that weigh me down. What it does mean is that I am able to find my way to God again because one thing is for certain, no matter where I am in life, no matter how bad I think things are – HE DOES NOT LEAVE YOU. I may leave Him but He never leaves me.
Last week, I woke up and did my usual routine of scuffling my feet in my bedroom shoes to the kitchen, with tired eyes and my hair pulled up in a scrunchy. I was going to make my morning pot of coffee and I could not believe what I was seeing!
Matthew, my plant was growing NEW leaves! Yes, that is right – new leaves! It was taking what I felt was weeks but there it was, just like a fresh new day! My thoughts immediately were overjoyed and as I ran into my daughters room to share my excitement, she was happy for me (and the plant) but wasn’t as excited as I was at 07:30, lol.
I rush back to the kitchen, gave my plant a little water (and yes I talked to it), opened the window and placed it on the ledge so it could soak up the morning sun and the fresh smell of a new day.
I am like that plant. I come to this town all polished up, budding with life and ambition but slowly something happened to me. Just like the plant, I was being taken care of by life itself but there was something in the core, deep under the soil that was slowly killing the leaves of my life. Every day, a little more of who I was kept getting plucked out and before I knew it – I was bare. Just like my plant.
As the plant needed a new planter, some fresh soil and a little extra TLC, I too needed the same but on a deeply, impacting spiritual level.
With every day, with every therapy appointment, with every prayer and with every scripture reading, I too, am growing new leaves.
When life buries us under the stress, the medical, the bills, the circumstances, it all just becomes too much. Each time, plucking out the very things that seem to give us hope. We don’t realize that it is happening to us until we are bare. Raw. Broken. Alone.
I felt so lost and most days I sort of still do but I am trying to grow in God’s word through my submission to Him. I am trying to find my way but I am no longer doing it alone. I have some really awesome people who understand me and are there to check in on me from time to time but they can’t do this for me. They can pray for me and show me they care for me but they can’t heal me. Only Christ alone can heal me and deliver me from this dark place that I have been for so long. A place where I have (and still do sometimes) felt empty, broken, afraid, lonely and not sure of anything. Not even of myself.
As I move through this phase of my life, I have chosen to go slow. Very slow and that is a big challenge for me. It is hard to do and it is hard to self discipline myself but with being anchored in Christ, I know that I can move through this. He knows my strength and I guess that is why He gives me these trials. He is preparing me for something far more amazing than anything I could ever imagine on my own.
While I am in this phase of my life, I am able to recognize one thing about who I am. I am a daughter of God and I am worthy of all He has for me. Even if means that I stand alone, lose friends, lose old habits – whatever it is, I am ready because my heart is tired of this cycle. I am growing, learning and discovering new things about myself.
Don’t you think that throughout our lives, at any age, that we are constantly growing and learning about who we are and where we are to be called to serve our purpose? I do. I am living it.
Peace, Love & Happiness,