Okay, so maybe it wasn’t God himself that called me and asked to speak to me directly but He did send out a messenger. Please, read on so I can share with you just how this transpired.
Things have been a little hard on my end lately. I have been dealing with a mound of situations that have not only overwhelmed me but have been breaking me down on the inside as well. I won’t get into what they are or the details of such personal things but I can tell you that it’s been hell.
Today I had a list of things that I needed to get done during my time off before returning to the skies again. Since being off social media, not checking my phone and actually getting my life back, I have been able to accomplish some things. Maybe not all the way but halfway. Hey, at least I am working on what I need to and not wasting time.
I was sitting in my chair by the window, the house is all quiet, a gentle breeze blowing in today and the muffled sounds of the outside neighborhood is all I hear. Not even music was playing. I was working on my online recurrent (mandatory in order for me to keep my flight attendant certificate and my job) and while I was not in the mood to do it today, I felt compelled to at least try to knock out a few modules. As I was sitting here, I was trying to focus but at the same time I was sort of talking to God about some things.
Then my phone rings. Unknown caller. Do I answer or not? For some reason, I felt a strong desire to answer. Usually, as in 100% of the time I do not.
Me – ‘Hello?’
Caller – ‘May I speak with Christian?’
Me – ‘This is she’
Caller – ‘Christian, my name is **********’ (I honestly forgot her name) ‘and I am with the Billy Graham Association. Recently, you visited the Billy Graham Library and I wanted to know if you enjoyed it and what was your favorite part?’
I answered her questions and then she said to me, ‘Christian, is there anything I can pray with you about today?’ Man. That hit me as if I had run into a wall. I asked her, ‘Did God tell you to call me because I was just sitting here trying to talk to Him!’ She laughed and told me that sort of, yes. Yes He did.
Our conversation was deep. It was personal and I had no idea who she was but I do know I have great respect for those in the Billy Graham Association. I grew up watching Mr. Graham preach God’s word. I always thought what an honor it must be to have touched so many lives and do God’s work like he has. Mad respect for that man and all he has done and passed along to his family. I don’t care who you are, you just can’t deny the Rev. Billy Graham.
As the call was coming to an end, I was moved by her words. It was a conversation that wasn’t too long but so much was said in such a short time. With a stranger. Isn’t that weird? I was just sitting here minding my own business, trying to talk to God and then my phone rings. Believe it or not but that phone call was no accident. The most significant thing she said to me was that ‘God may work slowly on some things in our lives but He doesn’t leave us alone and He will give us what we need’.
What we need. Not what we want. Slow but not forgotten. We may feel alone but we are never alone. She was right. She was on point and she was on time. She didn’t pry or push me. No pressure to talk with her or to even pray with her. I wanted to. I needed to. I had to for my own reasons.
If you are not a Christian, it may be hard to understand some of this. I get it. I really do. Even as a Christian, I don’t get it sometimes. I was honest and said I am not in church right now because church makes me even more sad. I think church is a place we should go and be able to feel real. To feel raw, opened and exposed without judgement but it doesn’t work like that. There is judgement. Judgement in the church, the world and in our own homes among our own families. It is a tough world we live in now. A world that I just don’t understand. The closer I try to get to God, I promise you the harder Satan comes after me and when he does, he comes at me hard. Fast. Maliciously. Devastating me and pushing me to a deeper, darker place. I fight hard and I cling to my faith but sometimes I am just tired. Emotionally, spiritually and physically.
One day (and I don’t know when) I will get it all together. I am not asking for it to be together for 100% but at least 85% would be nice….and stay that way. Wishful thinking? Maybe. I don’t know what it feels like to have something amazing and good happen to me and last. Usually something comes along and takes it away. All of it. I feel like there is a curse on me some days but then I feel like I am also holding on because God has something really amazing for me. I have to believe that. At my age and all I have had to go through, I just want to be able to live a life that I love, that I enjoy and one that isn’t always filled with some sort of obstacle that throws me so off course that it sends me in a spin. It’s exhausting.
Whatever this thing is that God is preparing me for, I don’t know. What I do know is that He must really believe in me and feel I am able to handle the preparation for the outcome. Until then, I will keep answering the Unknown calls.
Peace, Love & Hugs
If you have not been to the Billy Graham Library, I encourage you to go. You will not regret it. My daughter rolled her eyes the moment I told her we were going but once we got inside, she was totally into the great history of such an amazing person. Please, do yourself a favor if you are in the Charlotte, NC area and visit the grounds of the library. It’s a breathtaking experience. Christian or not a Christian. It is FREE to visit and the inside tour is fairly short. I have added some information for anyone who is interested in visiting when in the Charlotte, NC area.
For more information about the Billy Graham Library, please click on the link below
Address: 4330 Westmont Dr, Charlotte, NC 28217